Kooks
by Captain Oz
Summary: AU, slash. Ah, meloves. SBRL. Remus comes home after vanishing for five years... but why did he go, and where has he been?
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, tis an AU. Thought it was about time I did a proper one. I have started the next chapter of Seeing, but seem to have mislaid the piece of paper it's on (I wrote it in my psychology lesson).**

**OK, in this, no Voldemort. Lily and James are still alive. Harry is six. Remus went away for five years, no one heard anything from him. Yeah… think that's all you guys need to know!**

The stars twinkled distantly in the black blanket of the sky. Remus pulled his cloak closer around him, the wind biting through his few layers and striking at his body. Merlin, he was cold. It was stupid to walk so far in the middle of winter, but he'd had no choice. He had no money for the Knight Bus, and his wand had snapped. He didn't fancy trying to Apparate with a wand held together with some muggle invention called 'Sellotape'. He'd probably end up splinching, with one leg in Wales, one in Egypt, and his torso in Timbuktu. He might have been warmer if his hair was down around his neck, but he'd tied it back to keep it out of his eyes. He needed to actually see where he was going.

He shifted his bag on his back. There wasn't much in it, but he'd been carrying it for so long and was so damn tired that it felt like it contained several bricks. He'd been away for five years, and hadn't amassed many belongings since then. Some of them had been left behind, and others were randomly scattered at friends' houses. Friends who didn't live in England, because that would have made him too easy to find. He had a few photos with him, ones he'd never been able to let go of. He was also carrying one spare shirt (covered in mud and therefore too dirty to wear) and a bar of the cheapest chocolate he'd been able to find. He could eat properly when he got home. Well, not his home. He didn't have one, hadn't since his parents had thrown him out at the age of seventeen. But James and Lily had always said that he could treat their home as his own. He couldn't exactly go back to where he'd been living before he left. That would just result in too many awkward silences, and awkward questions, and all round awkwardness. No, he'd walk to Godric's Hollow, and ask James if he could kip on the sofa for the night. He'd already walked pretty far, getting off the boat at Plymouth and walking up through Somerset. He'd walked along the Severn Bridge to get into Wales, and was nearly at the wizarding village.

---

Remus looked up at the house. It looked… homely. Not in a bad way. It looked exactly how a home should look. It had barely changed in the time he'd been away. The front garden's flowers were slightly more untamed, and there was a football lying half in a bush, but mostly it hadn't changed. He knew there was a larger garden at the back, and Remus smiled. He could remember James being ecstatic the day they bought the house, jumping around and screaming that his child was going to fly before he could walk. Remus had no way of knowing if that was true. Harry had only been eighteen months when he'd left, and now he'd be six. Wouldn't recognise his Uncle Moony.

The path seemed to beckon to him, and Remus took a deep breath. He set off on the cracked stones and lifted the door knocker. He paused, the cool metal in his hand. What right did he have to turn up on their doorstep? He'd been away for years, giving up any rights to friendship he'd ever had. He was nothing but trouble, and he wasn't going to cause it for them. He let the knocker fall and turned, ready to leave and camp out in the woods somewhere.

Behind him, the door was flung open and light shone forth. "I've already said- oh, you're not a caroller. Who are you?" Remus twisted back, wanting to see if she hadn't changed either. She hadn't. The light was shining gold on strands of her hair as they stood up straight from her head. She was still slim, and her hands were placed firmly on her hips in the way that he remembered oh so well from his adolescence. Her eyes widened as she saw his face. "Re-Remus?"

He gave a sad little smile. "Hello, Lily."

"Oh, Remus!" She ran to him, throwing her arms around him. He held her closely, letting her bury her head in his shoulder, slightly alarmed to find her shaking.

"Lily? Are you ok?"

"Of course I am." She pulled back, searching his face with tear filled eyes. "It's been five years, Remus. Five years, and not a single word. You could've been dead for all we knew." Tears were falling down her face, and he reached to brush them away.

"I know, and I'm sorry." The words seemed inadequate, but there was nothing else he could say.

She sniffed loudly. "You should be." She gave him another squeeze and yelped. "You're all skin and bone! When was the last time you ate?"

"About five minutes ago. I had some chocolate."

Piercing green eyes stared accusingly at him. "Last proper meal."

He couldn't lie to her. Never had been able to. "Maybe a week, two weeks ago."

She released him and took his hand. "Come in and I'll make you some food."

"Lily, I don't want to intrude-"

"Lupin, shut your noise. I won't have you dying of starvation and hypothermia on my doostep." She dragged him into the warm hall and disappeared through one of the doors. Remus pulled the door shut behind him and tugged his boots off. There were lots of photos on the walls. One was a young boy- had to be Harry by the hair- riding a bike round and round. Another showed James and Lily on their wedding day, dancing in slow graceful circles. Yet another, the family, swinging in a park somewhere. And the last one, as he walked along, was of the Marauders on their last day at Hogwarts. Remus leant in closer, his breath sticking in his throat as he remembered that day…

"Remus?" Lily's voice cute into his thoughts, and he turned guiltily. Her head was stuck round the door, green eyes quizzical. "Are you planning on standing in the hallway all night, or do you want some food?"

He let his lips curve upwards in a smile, entering timidly. He perched on a stool as she bustled around, before dumping a steaming bowl of soup in front of him. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." She sat opposite him, staring. He started to eat- anything to avoid those eyes.

"Where's James? And Harry?"

"At his parents'." The soup really was good- filling him up with warmth from the inside, flowing down his arms so that his fingers tingled. His stomach had lost the dull ache it had had for the last few days. "Why did you leave?"

Ah, the killer question. He lifted the spoon to his mouth, blew on it, and took a mouthful. "I got a job."

"That's so much bull, and you know it." She leant forward. "You didn't tell me, or James, or Sirius. You were sharing a flat with him, for God's sake!"

He shut his eyes for a moment. "What's Harry like?"

She frowned at the sudden change of topic, but obliged. "A lot like James. He's mischievous, and has such a cute little grin… he can be serious though, with his little glasses. He can fly already, but what choice did he have in that? He's great at it, gonna be better than James. We want him to go to Hogwarts, and James reckons he'll declare war on Albus if Harry doesn't get into Gryffindor. I'm teaching him to read and write, and he's a quick learner. If he pays attention."

"Just like James," Remus smiled.

"Yeah. What's been up with you?"

He shrugged. His voice was getting hoarse now. This was the most he'd spoken to anyone in months. "Not a lot. Worked for a couple of rich French families, did some stuff in Germany, then came back here."

"What about… you know…" Lily mimed claws and fangs.

"The werewolf?" He couldn't tell her everything. "There's this new potion, and I've been sent it regularly. It's been ok." Except for the months it didn't come. And when he couldn't pay for it.

Lily smiled, and glanced at the clock which hung on the wall. "Right, where are you staying tonight?"

"Don't know."

"In that case, go upstairs and first room on the right. Kip in there for tonight, and I'll sort out the room properly tomorrow. It's got blue walls. Can't miss it."

He yawned, his mouth stretching wide, and stood. "Thank you." He kissed her on the cheek. "I'll leave tomorrow."

"No you won't." A finger, with its bitten fingernail, was pointed at him. "I want you to stay here until you're properly rested and fed. If I let you, you'll just fade away."

He left her sat in the kitchen, drinking a mug of hot chocolate, and walked up the stairs, eyes were falling shut despite his best efforts to stay awake. The carpet felt oddly comforting beneath his thinning socks. It had been so long since he'd been in a place with a carpet.

The room wasn't that big, but better than what he'd got used to in his travels. He pulled off his clothes, leaving just his boxers on, and slipped between the sheets. They felt so strange against his bare skin, but he fell asleep within minutes.

---

_Remus did all the buttons on his coat with shaking hands. He was leaving, and wouldn't- couldn't- tell anyone, but he was scared. There was one person he had to see, before he left on a journey he might not return from._

_Taking out his wand, he Apparated to Godric's Hollow and walked into the house. Lily was in the kitchen, murdering a song on the radio, and Remus walked into the living room._

_Harry was sat on the carpet, playing with his toy car. Remus held his finger to his lips, and the toddler recognised a game. "Harry," Remus whispered hoarsely._

"_Oo-ee," Harry said back quietly._

_Remus picked him up, the weight in his arms held close. He bounced the baby softly. "Harry baba, gotta say bye bye now. But you gotta know that I love you so much, and if I could I wouldn't go. I have to do this. I might not come back, and so you need to look after the Marauders and your mum. Do it for me, Harry baba." He gave the boy a swift kiss on the top of his head, and placed him down again. "Bye bye."_

"_Oo-ee! Oo-ee!" The last thing Remus saw before Disapparating was Harry holding out his chubby little hands and saying, "Oo-ee gone."_

**I said it on my last fic, and will repeat. If you are on deviantart, friend me. I am oz-nuriko. If you aren't, go and join. Because it rules, and that's where I'm sticking my original fiction. Some of it, anyway.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yo dudes! Wasson? I have planned this out. Be proud of me! I did it while watching Interview With The Vampire. Omfg. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt getting together… **

**Will probably have even more ideas soon. I'm having my two best friends over and we're watching horror movies. None of which I've seen, but they've seen all of them. So I'll just be jumping.**

James watched the sleeping figure with a frown on his face. Remus J Lupin. The one mystery within the Marauders. More layers than an onion. They'd cut down some of his defences back in school, but no one had ever known what went on behind his enigmatic amber eyes.

He'd vanished. Just gone, one day, without any word to anyone. Not even Remus' sister had heard from him. Sirius had known something about his reasons, avoiding the questions when asked so skilfully that only James had seen something wrong. It wasn't too much of a surprise that it would be Sirius to know. He'd always been closer to Remus. Some kind of canine bond.

James crossed his legs and shuffled impatiently. He'd never been able to wait for anything. Especially not when it involved answers to questions. Questions that had been going round his head for five years. Why had Remus gone. Where he'd been. Why he'd never felt the need to tell anyone where the hell he was.

He looked older now, that was for sure. The golden hair spread across the white pillow had lots more grey hairs, and his pale skin was more lined. His bare arms were placed across the top of the duvet, Remus' body completely straight. He'd never lose control, not even in sleep. That was how he established independence from the wolf. There were more scars on those arms. Some had faded to thin white lines, and others were completely raw. Hardly surprising, really. He would've been through- James made a swift mental calculation- about sixty full moons without any help from Animagi. Must have pulled himself apart.

But one scar, just visible above the sheet, seemed to be too deliberate. It was too straight to be the works of fangs or claws-

"Are you going to sit and watch me all day?"

He jumped at the voice. It was oh so familiar, and yet a distant memory. It had been so long. Remus' eyes fluttered open, and amber stared at brown. "It's a Sunday. My day off. Harry's in his room playing, I just woke him up, and Lily's in the kitchen. I thought I'd come and see my old best friend."

Remus winced, the sarcasm in the statement evident to his ears. "James-"

"Lily said you wouldn't answer any of her questions."

"Not true. When asked, I told her I was hungry."

James glared over the top of his glasses. "Remus."

The werewolf sat up, pulling the sheet with him to protect his torso from prying eyes. "You know, you sound scarily like McGonagall when you do that."

"Piss off." James leant forward, placing a hand on Remus' arm. "Please, Remus. We need answers."

"And you'll get them." Remus smiled. James thought the expression looked strange on his face, almost as though he'd forgotten how to do it. "But for now, could I borrow some clothes? Mine are all ripped and dirty."

For one moment James stared into his eyes. When they were younger, Remus would always bottle things up until the last possible moment. Apparently he hadn't changed. "Borrow some money, and you can buy some of your own."

"No. I don't need charity, James, just something to preserve my dignity."

"Yeah. Listen, door down on your right, in the oak cabinet. Nick whatever you want."

Remus smiled again, and James was suddenly reminded of an angel. Strange that. Remus was the angel, sweetness and goodness, and Sirius a fallen angel, decadently enticing. "Thanks."

James stood and left the room. He ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. Lily turned slightly from where she had her hands in the sink, and smiled. "Shh. You'll wake Remus up."

"Oh, he's already awake." He moved through the room, stopping at the table and picking up a letter. His eyes scanned over it quickly, before he discarded it again.

"What about Harry?"

"Yeah. He's playing with his toys. Something about the 'Great Green Arkleseizure.' I dunno." He stepped forward until he could wrap his arms around her torso.

She ignored the gesture, scrubbing hard at a stain on a plate. "I blame you and Sirius for that."

"You blame us for everything."

"That's because it's your fault." She dumped it on the side to drain. "Did you… speak to him?"

James let his head flop down onto her shoulder. "Remus?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I did." He sighed, hot breath running onto her skin. "He won't tell me what happened."

"I'm not particularly surprised. He's only just woken up for starters, and he always was a secretive git."

He nuzzled her neck. "Hmm, naughty word. Not meant to swear inside the house."

"It's never stopped you or Sirius before."

"That's beside the point." He chuckled softly. "Lils, what're we gonna do with him?"

"With who? Harry, we're sending to Hogwarts as soon as possible. Sirius, I think we ought to have neutered."

"Remus."

She relaxed into the embrace, letting her hands drift in the soapy water. "After he went to bed last night I flooed Dumbledore. He says he has a job which'll be perfect for him, but it'll take a couple of weeks to organise. Until then, I guess we'll lend him some of your clothes."

"Already done. He won't take money. Proud bastard."

She smacked him with the wet cloth. "No swearing. Anyway, Remus'll be ok. Trust me."

James laughed. "Oh, I do." He spun her around in his arms and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. Then, supporting her arms, he lifted her and spun her in the air, ignoring her shrieks. "And I respect you. And obey you. And love you." Each word was punctuated with swift pecks to her cheeks and necks.

"Jay-"

"Ew, kissy stuff." They broke apart slightly, turning to see their son stood in the doorway with a disgusted look on his face.

Lily whooped, and jumped from the table. "Don't you like all the kissy stuff, Harry boy?"

"Nah." He stuck out his tongue. "Girls smell."

Lily's eyes flashed, and she chased after her son. He ran into the living room, not getting too far before she picked him up and swung him onto the sofa. Kisses were placed all over his face, ignoring his squeals of protest. "When- you're- older- you'll- want- lots- of- kisses."

He giggled. "No I won't!"

James bounded in and sat on them, squashing them comfortably. "My Harry's gonna be too busy playing Quidditch to have a girlfriend."

"Yeah." Harry stuck his tongue out at his mother.

James sat up, pulling the other two with him. He knew he had to tell Harry about Remus, but 'oh Harry there's a werewolf in the spare room' was probably not the way to go. "Listen mate, I've got to tell you something."

The boy scrambled into his father's lap. "What?"

"We've got someone staying with us."

"Who?"

"Well, you know me and Sirius tell you stories about when we were at school?"

Harry nodded, green eyes serious behind glass. "But not everything."

"Um, yeah." James shot a guilty look at Lily. "That's because Mummy doesn't want you getting any ideas. Anyway, d'you remember us saying about Moony?"

"He was your next best friend, next to Siri. But then he went away."

"Well, he's back now. But you've got to be nice to him, and don't ask him about where he's been. Coz I want to find out first."

Lily hit on the head, eliciting a startled 'ow'. "You know as well as I do that Sirius is more likely to get something out of him."

"When's he coming over?"

Harry bounced excitedly. "This morning. He said he'd take me for éclairs on his bike."

Lily frowned. "I'm not sure that's a good thing…"

James reached over, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Listen, Lils, we just delay Sirius downstairs until Remus comes down. Then they see each other and get to talking. It'll all work out peachy."

---

Remus walked into the living room, and the boy sat on the floor barely spared him a glance. Toys were scattered around him, both magical and Muggle. All were ignored however for the pencil clutched in the little hand and the paper in front.

"Hello Harry."

"Hello." He stopped drawing, and turned serious green eyes on Remus' face. "Who're you?"

"Remus. When you were little, you used to call me Moony."

"Oh, _you're_ Moony. Daddy said you were here. You're in the pictures with Daddy and Siri and Wormy." Harry turned back to the childish scrawls.

Remus blushed despite himself. Trust the child to be the one to bring out these feelings in him, remembering the past. When Harry had learnt to talk, Sirius was the only one to retain his proper name. It was too much to expect a toddler to say 'Padfoot' or 'Padders', and so Remus had taught Harry to call him Siri. Sirius would permit it only from his godson and the werewolf.

Remus shook his head, clearing the clouds from the past that came to fog his brain. "What're you drawing?" he said, sitting next to Harry.

Harry pointed. "That's me. I'm playing Quidditch."

"Who for?"

A beam split the child's face. "Wigtown Wanderers."

Remus leant over. It was a typical child's drawing, all stick men and bright colours. It made Remus feel almost sentimental, with what he'd missed of Harry's childhood. "I always preferred the Kenmare Kestrels."

"Siri says the Kestrels are a load of poofs who couldn't win a match if they were the only ones on the pitch."

And wasn't that just a Sirius thing to say? "Siri can be stupid."

"Yup." Harry turned his head, looking Remus up and down. "You're in your pyjamas."

"I know. I need your dad to tell me what clothes I can probably fit into. Have you seen him?"

Harry made a face. "Yeah. He's in the kitchen, probably kissing Mummy. Yucky stuff."

"I agree." Remus stood, patting the boy on the head. "Kissing girls is yucky."

**This is me trying to remember my cousin when he was 6. That was five years ago, and I was 11 at the time. I don't know any 6 year olds! But ahem. I promise twill be slash, but I'm trying to do a slow burning one. With a mystery… probably won't work. But ah well!**

**Oh yes, and Remus is gay but only Sirius knows it. This will become important later.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dance Magic Dance is by David Bowie. I blame Sam for that. Some of this was written when I was half asleep (why does that always happen to me?) after a Rocky Horror night. The rest was done when I should have been getting ready for a play. Ah well, I'm ill, what do they expect?**

**Some people asked where the slash was. I'm building to it, dearests. I'm attempting to do a slow burning one. It's not working, I don't have the ability. And I got told off for saying kissing girls is yucky :ducks head: so sorry for that. Damn, hope Livvey doesn't find out… she's gonna bid for me on ebay…**

"Voodoo- who do?- you do- what? Remind me of the babe…" Lily hummed along to the words of the song. She wasn't allowed to sing. James had threatened to divorce her if she ever sung anything by David Bowie. He loved her dearly, but her voice murdering the great Stardust would be the worst crime she could ever commit. She doubted even adultery would be lower down on the list of offences.

With a flick of her wrist she turned the stereo up. She loved it. Remus had got it for their wedding. Found it in an old Muggle junk shop, stripped it of the internal electrics, and charmed it to work on magic. Now it lived in Lily's domain. Everyday the melodies of random songs could be heard emerging from the doors. Lily loved those times, when she could lose herself in sweet refrains.

Whirling round, she held the plate at arm's length. Just a short while ago, it had been filled with food. Remus' food. She was going to feed him until he was more than a skeleton if it took all the food in Wales. At least he now had two proper meals in him- soup the night before, and a full English breakfast earlier on. He'd eaten all the meat so quickly. Probably the wolf showing through there.

"Ding dong." Lily dropped the plate in the sink, wincing as it grinded against a fork. Ah well, it would recover. She wiped her hands on her apron and ran to the door. It was probably Sirius, which meant she didn't have to rush, but there was always the chance that it was someone else important. She didn't understand why Sirius didn't open the door himself. The gimp always rang the doorbell, despite the fact that he had owned a key to their house for several years.

She pulled the chain, whispering a swift unlocking charm, and the door swung open to reveal a black dog. It wagged its tail, looking up at her expectantly. She responded by raising one eyebrow. "Nice shape. Come on." The dog trotted past her. If he mucked up her floor, he knew what would happen. She secured the door and turned. Sirius was now stood in her hallway, long black hair tied back at his neck.

"Lily, my dearest firecracker."

"Sirius. I take it you're here to play with my son?"

He nodded, the laconical smirk which had been his trademark at school crossing his face. "I did promise the little bugger."

Lily pointed her wand at him. "Next time you use language like that in my house I will scrub your mouth out."

"Oo, Lily." He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight. "Promises promises."

She beat at his back. "Oi!"

"Where's Jamesie boy?"

"Upstairs. You go into the kitchen and I'll call him."

---

Sirius didn't change. James loved these visits. For a few minutes he could go back to being a teenager, without any cares or worries. He wouldn't swap this life for anything, but without Sirius he thought he might well go mad.

Said Animagus leant over the counter, eyes twinkling as he gazed up at James. "Am I going to get a drink today?"

"What do you want?"

Sirius shrugged. "Hot. It's cold outside."

"You're such a lizard," James muttered as he set the kettle boiling. "Basking in the sunlight."

"I can't help it if I'm a natural summer person."

"Lily always used to find it hilarious."

A chair scraped across the tiled floor. "What?"

"How the Marauders were never all happy with a season. We all had our own favourite." James pulled a mug towards him, pouring out some hot water. "Autumn was mine, all the colours in the trees. Pete liked spring, for some poofy reason about 'new life'. You were the summer boy, all heat and intensity. And Remus-"

"I don't know why we still talk about him." Sirius' voice was disinterested. "He's been gone one hell of a long time, Jamie boy." James smiled as his back was turned. He knew those two had been close friends. Sirius was going to love the surprise of having his wolf back again. It must have hurt to be abandoned, but Padfoot had always been resilient.

"Ah well." James turned back and slid the drink across. He lifted his own to his lips, a strong coffee he blamed Lily for getting him addicted to. "How's work?"

"Not good. Being an Auror, collating information, you probably need a longer attention span than mine."

"Any news?"

A spoon clinked against the side of the mug as Sirius stirred in his milk. "Bad. There's some stirrings in Europe, according to our sources."

"What?"

"You know that werewolf colony over in Lithuania?" Of course, James could still remember how worked up Remus got when they were setting the place up. An isolated place, just for werewolves, with no contact with the outside world. The wolves wouldn't attack humans, and vice versa. Remus said it was just putting off the inevitable. Section people off, and they feel different. Resentful.

"Yeah."

"They're on the move. Something happened to them, and now word is they're coming here."

"Anyone know why?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not yet. Leastways, no one's saying."

James considered. This could be bad news. If they were moving… they were up to something. Something bad. "Are we prepared?"

"Are we hell as like." Sirius took a sip of his drink, wincing as the hot liquid hit his tongue. "The others all think we can beat them back by waving silver in the air. That we'll be able to tell who they are just by looking."

"Idiots."

"Yup. Anyway, what's the news on your end?"

"There's this guy we're tracking. Albus thinks he'll go to ground somewhere in Wales, so I get the lovely job of watching out for him." James pulled a stool over, resting his legs as he sat. "How's your love life?"

The grey eyes turned cociky. "Sane old. She's all over me. Wants to move in with me."

"Getting serious?"

"I suppose."

"I never thought I'd see the day. Sirius Black, the studmuffin of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, tied to one woman."

Sirius smiled softly, staring down at his fingers. "I should settle down. I want this." He gestured around.

James raised an eyebrow. "A kitchen?"

"No, your life. Someone you love, a house, a kid… a family."

"Do you actually love her?"

Sirius shrugged. "Who cares? I could come to love her."

"That's not exactly the best foundation for a relationship."

Grey eyes flashed dangerously, and James knew he would probably end up being punched, but the inevitable confrontation was disturbed by a small voice.

"Siri!"

Sirius beamed as the boy came running in, sweeping him up and off the floor. "Harry baba!"

James smiled at the giggles emanating from his child. He looked safe in his godfather's arms, and there was no denying that Sirius was good with kids. He had always wanted them, but James hated to see his best friend with someone he didn't love. Sirius had never fallen in love, so he didn't know what it was like, but James knew that he could never be truly happy unless he found someone.

"Take me into the living room."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at the imperious tone. "Yes, master Harold."

"Ew, that's an icky name!"

Sirius laughed, but obeyed, running full pelt into the room. James dumped the mugs into the sink with only a slight pang of guilt. He knew he should do more chores. He knew it. It was just so easy to get distracted. And after all, Lily wouldn't exactly want Sirius to play with Harry unattended. Last time, they'd managed to turn the room a noxious shade of pink, Transfigure the lamp into a palm tree, and turn Harry's hair the Gryffindor colours.

By the time he reached the living room, Harry was playing with his toys and Sirius was sat on the floor watching him. James collapsed onto the sofa and watched them.

"Something's happened," Harry said, pushing the train along, "but Mummy and Daddy said I'm not allowed to tell you." James smiled at his son. He was a true Marauder, not looking at Sirius and therefore avoiding the puppy dog eyes that could break the strongest resistance.

Said eyes were now staring at him. "Have you knocked Lily up again?"

"No. And if she hears you talking that way in front of Harry she'll castrate you. With no anaesthetic." James flicked his wrist, calling an apple to him. "It's a nice surprise."

"Ooh!" Sirius clapped his hands excitedly. "Did you get me that poster of the '75 cup final you promised me a couple of years ago?"

"I was drunk at the time, so no. This is much better."

Sirius pouted. "Tell me James, I hate surprises."

The footsteps on the stairs halted their conversation. "James, these jeans are miles too big." Sirius stood at the voice. Even though he couldn't see who it was, James knew that he'd recognised the tone at once. His face was disbelieving, eyes wide with hope.

The wooden door swung open, revealing Remus. His hair was still wet from the shower, hanging around his face in soft curls. The clothes really were too big for him, making him look about ten years younger and adding to the air of vulnerability hanging around him. His face was focused on his waistband and the hand he had holding the trousers up.

"Rem?" Remus looked up and froze when their eyes connected. Sirius had no such qualms. He ran forward, catching the smaller man in a hug. James watched them. Sirius was clinging on as though Remus might disappear with any less pressure. He kept on murmuring, "Rem, oh Merlin, Rem, I thought you'd gone forever…"

Remus was different. He stood stiffly in the embrace, making no attempt to move his arms around his friend. There was no discernible expression in his amber eyes, but James knew that meant he was angry.

It lasted all of five seconds. Remus stepped away, shrugging the arms off. "There's belts in your drawer, right?" James nodded. The werewolf left, leaving Sirius to stand alone.

**I feel so bad. My throat hurts! And I've been in this play where I have to sing. Not good.**


	4. Chapter 4

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYKAIOS! I managed to finish in time! Woop!**

**This should have been written ages ago. I still blame people on lj. Anyway, add me if you're on there. I like having friends.**

James stared at Sirius. His friend was shaking, arms wrapping around his body in a childlike defensive gesture. James had never seen Sirius look this down, not even when his family had disowned him. "Padders…"

"He hates me." The voice was small and, in a way, broken. James pulled the taller man down onto the sofa, noticing how he didn't relax in any way. Every part of Sirius' body was tense, as though he was only staying still by extreme force of effort.

"Padfoot, he doesn't hate you." A soft smile was sent his way, pain behind the eyes. James knew that Sirius knew he was lying. Remus, their Remus, was never like that without a reason. "He was just… concerned about other things."

"I hugged him James. Normally that would get a response, even if it was flinching away." James could remember those days, when Remus hated to be touched and avoided any physical contact. "But there was nothing."

"I'm sure if-"

"Not a word." Sirius' voice was heavy, almost dead. "He didn't say anything."

So trying to convince him that Remus didn't hate him would be rather useless, probably using up too much effort. "Do you know what's wrong?"

"If I did I'd make it better again." James quelled the smile in him at the biting tone Sirius took. At least there was life there.

"Nothing happened before he left?"

Sirius stiffened next to him, standing and moving to be nearer to Harry's small figure. "No, I've told you that before. When he decided to run away in the first place."

"We don't know what happened. He might have had to leave without saying anything."

Bitter recrimination dashed across the handsome face. "Yes, because his best friends mean nothing. Where's he say he's been these years?"

"Europe. Teaching."

"That's bull. I'll go ask him."

James shot up, stopping Sirius with one hand on the doorknob. "No, Sirius. He's not speaking to you, you won't get anything out of him."

One eyebrow lifted, and the mouth twisted. "You think I'm just going to ask nicely?"

James didn't feel like mentioning that Remus would probably be able to kill Sirius easily if he wanted. "Let me go. That way neither of you will do something stupid."

There was a tense few moments as they stared into each other's eyes. James could see the thoughts whirring violently in Sirius' head- on one hand, he hated being ignored and going to confront Remus would get rid of that problem. On the other, he knew there was a large chance he would make things worse. James could see new lines appearing on his friend's face, skin that was normally completely smooth.

"Ok." The words were soft. Sirius seemed to sag slightly, and his eyes were left looking haunted. He twisted back to look at the child still on the floor, engrossed in his toys. "Bye Harry."

James watched his best friend walk out of the house, slouched over and looking as though he wanted to crawl into himself. "Shit."

"That's a naughty word, daddy." Harry's disapproving voice cut through his mind and made him whirl around to stare at the centre of his world. Harry had been playing with his toys the whole time, not taking time to pay attention to any of the grown up melancholy and angst. He really was amazing, and James let the smile grow on his face. Harry was the only thing he knew he couldn't live without- even Lily was less important to him. He lived for Harry.

"I know." He bent down, letting his hand wander over his son's head. Three most important people in his life- Harry, Lily, and Sirius. Remus could hurt all of them by doing this.

He stood up straighter, face setting into furious lines. Remus wasn't going to be allowed to get away with this. He'd never seen Sirius look like that. And Remus was responsible. Therefore he was going to make amends.

He had no right to be so damn… difficult with Sirius! James clenched his hand on the banister. It was Remus' fault that he'd left. It was his fault that all of this had come crashing down around them.

Only one of the doors was shut- the bathroom. So James strode up to it, flinging it open. He'd expected a furious turn around, something passionate. But Remus didn't move. He stayed where he was, back to James, shaving in the small mirror.

"What the hell was that?" Normally James prided himself on how controlled he was, in any situation. Not now. His voice came out in clipped tones, sure sign of how angry he was.

"What was what?" Infuriatingly calm. James couldn't tell if it was also on Remus' face- the angle the mirror was placed at meant he couldn't see any of his friend's face.

"You know damn well what."

"James, I really don't. Lily might be good at interpreting angry James circle talk, but I'm really not."

James gripped Remus' shoulder, intending to turn him round, but found the bony figure was immovable. "Downstairs, just now. You just hurt Sirius!"

"Drop it, James." The razor was dropped to the bowl, swirled in the water, and raised back to the cheek.

"No, I won't! Remus, he held onto you as though he couldn't bear to think about losing you again. You ignored him completely!"

"James." The voice was quieter now. "You don't know anything."

"Tell me then!" Remus didn't move at James' raised voice. ""What the hell happened between you two?"

Remus still refused to turn, still staring at his reflection in the mirror. He rinsed the razor again, and James heard the rasping as it scraped the stubble. "We… had an argument."

"You don't say." James knew he ought to control his sarcasm, but sometimes it was the only possible way. It had always been Remus who was sarcastic, and now James was just emulating him. It might one day get his throat ripped out.

"I do."

James reached forward and pushed the top of the mirror, causing it to flip upwards and face the ceiling. Remus froze. "He was heartbroken just now, and you were as cold as anything. He deserves more than that, Remus! He's your best friend!"

"No!" Now Remus turned, amber eyes blazing. "He _was_ my best friend. He hasn't been for a very long time."

"He doesn't know what he's done wrong."

James flinched as Remus spun the mirror back, letting it go too far and smash. "Doesn't he?" In contrast to the action, the voice was tight.

"Rem, talk to me."

"No." A small smile appeared on the lined face. "Sorry about the mirror. I'll pay you back once I get some money."

"Remus-"

"James." Amber eyes locked with hazel. Desperation shone in them, and a kind of fear. James had only seen Remus look as scared twice in his life. The first time had been when they first discovered Remus was a werewolf, and he'd thought they were going to hang him from the nearest tree. The second time had been when they were about twenty…

---

_The banging on the door was insistent. James raised one hand to his head in pain, the pounding almost unbearable. He hated getting drunk. Well, he didn't. It was more the morning after that he hated with a passion he normally reserved only for family and Quidditch._

_Next to him Lily murmured in her sleep. She wasn't likely to get up, and he didn't much blame her. She'd been up with Harry most of the night, while he'd been out getting drunk. He stumbled out of bed and pulled on a dressing gown. Didn't know who it would be, but most people would hardly like to see a hungover James in his underwear. _

_Somehow he made it down the stairs. Knowing his luck, it would be Lily's parents. More likely to be Sirius, with that interminable chirpy grin on his face. _

_It wasn't._

_Remus stood there, looking completely lost. He was shaking, shadows appearing on his face. "Remus?"_

"_Jay?" His friend's face seemed to crumple, and he collapsed forward into James' arms. James was stunned. Firstly, he had no idea how to deal with something like this. Secondly, he'd never seen Remus break down like this. He knew it could happen, Sirius had told him, but it was the first time he'd seen it. _

_James pulled Remus into the living room, kicking the door shut behind them, and fell onto the sofa where the smaller man clung to him. "Remus, what's wrong?"_

"_I… oh Merlin, I… I'm lost, James, I'm lost forever."_

"_Remus, you're not making any sense."_

"_I'm drunk."_

_The words were said matter-of-factly, and the stench of vodka rapidly rising from Remus inclined James to believe it. "Why?"_

"_I've been drinking since three o'clock."_

_That made it… four hours. Which meant it was unbelievable that none of Remus' words were slurred, and that he wasn't catatonic. Then again, his werewolf metabolism was an advantage. It did explain why Remus was now sobbing into James' towelling dressing gown._

"_Remus, what happened?"_

"_I mucked it all up, I'm lost…"_

"_What do you mean, you're lost?"_

"_Love of my life… only one who could save me…"_

_James lifted one hand to stroke through the blonde hair. Remus was heartbroken, that explained it. "Didn't know you were dating."_

"_It was a secret. Wasn't meant to be love, just sex… I fell in love… mucked it all up…"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Should be revising. Not gonna. :sticks out tongue at AS levels:**

**I am really sorry about the speed of my updates at the moment- with everything. I am trying, I really am… but with college and work I don't have as much time to write as I used to. **

**Mention of rape in this chapter. Nothing graphic, I was writing pr0n this morning and am now all pr0ned out. **

Remus shuffled nervously. He didn't really want to be here. Anywhere else would be preferable. Then he wouldn't have to answer questions. And lie, as he knew he would. The desk in front of him was covered in random pieces of paper, different languages and alphabets combining in codes he wasn't good enough to read. Dumbledore wouldn't leave important things lying around.

At least he wasn't back with James and Lily, their accusing eyes following him. James was glaring at him at every given opportunity, blaming him for the fact that Sirius wouldn't come round to the house any more. Remus drew his knees in absentmindedly, hugging them in a vulnerable gesture. He knew Sirius wouldn't tell as to what had happened. After all, it was that which had driven Remus away in the first place. Lily was more on Remus' side, but only because she felt the need to mother him. Every chance she got she would try to feed Remus, try to get him more clothes. At times Remus felt as though she treated Harry as more of a grownup.

"Remus?"

The werewolf turned his head slightly to see Dumbledore enter the room. He was smiling, so this couldn't be too bad. "Professor."

A hand was waved. "Please, you're not at school anymore. And you've been working for me."

Remus shuffled nervously. He didn't want this. Somewhere, he knew, there had to be a place where he could curl up and never face the world again. "Yes."

Dumbledore sat in front of him, steepling his fingers and surveying him through them. "Would you like to explain what happened while you were over there?"

Full report, in other words. Remus glanced at the stone Dumbledore had just touched. A recording device. Whatever he said would be listened to by more than just them. He took a deep breath, and began. "As requested, on 29th January 1999 I Apparated to Dover and stowed away on a boat. Once in France, I made my way across the continent, teaching in various places along the way in order to earn enough money to survive. Then, in 2001, I ended up in Lithuania, at the werewolf colony. I gained admittance by claiming that I had only just heard of the place."

Dumbledore leant forward. "How many werewolves were there?"

Remus made a swift calculation. "About… twenty at any one time." His face darkened. "Although others came and joined, others were always being killed."

"How?"

"Some by the humans." Bitterness had crept into his voice, and he wasn't going to do anything to stop it. He'd lived with the wolves, knew their grievances, and agreed with one hell of a lot of them. "Others killed during the full moon. There was never enough food in the colony. The colony was allotted some, given after every full moon, but it wasn't enough. And so, when it was full moon, one or two would be killed when no one could control themselves."

"Was there a leader?"

Remus looked up at Dumbledore. He knew the older man knew that, it was a point of werewolf society. But the other just gestured at the stone. Of course, it all had to be recorded. "Yes, as there always is in werewolf groups. An alpha male. His name was Gerard."

"What did he think about the killings?"

"He wanted the werewolves to survive. So he allowed it to continue, and anyone who interfered was… attacked." Remus swore inwardly. He shouldn't have paused then. Dumbledore would pick up on it, he always picked up on the things you didn't want him to.

Sure enough, the professor had one eyebrow raised. "What happened while you were inside the colony?"

Remus shrugged, carefully smoothing his features into total blankness. "Nothing. I went in, spent time with them, and came out again."

"Did you know they were on the move?"

"What?" Remus could feel the panic rising inside. If they were moving, coming here… he didn't really want to think about it.

"Yes." Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow. "Would you happen to know why?"

Remus weighed up the possible outcomes in his mind. If he told Dumbledore what he knew, then he could be protected from any possible reprisals from the colony. Then again, he'd probably be stuck in Azkaban or worse. "No."

Dumbledore seemed to see through the façade, leaning back with a disappointed look. "All right. Well, if we need to speak to you about anything else I'll send an owl."

Remus got up, making a small noise in farewell, and left. Outside, the rain was falling from the sky. He raised his face to the sky and let it wash him. He didn't want to think about it, but he knew he had to. This meant it would be difficult to stay with Lily and James. He didn't want to put them in any danger. Or Harry, especially. But then again, he didn't really have any money. Oh, Dumbledore had organised a little wage in return for what he'd done in Lithuania… but it wasn't really enough to get a flat.

"Remmy? Remmy Lupin?" Remus turned, to see a slight figure stood behind him on the dirty pavement. She smiled disbelievingly, letting one hand trace the shape of his face. "Oh, Remmy, it is you!"

Then Remus found himself hugged, something that was becoming a regular occurrence. He hadn't been called Remmy in a long time. The girl raised her face to him, and the smile that spread across her lips made him smile in sympathy. "Selene." What was it Sirius used to say? That looking at Selene was like looking at Remus, only with deliberate mistakes. There was the strong family resemblance in the faces. Both of them Lupins, small noses and full lips. Only, instead of Remus' dirty blonde hair, Selene's was dark. And her eyes were brown rather than amber.

"I've missed you."

More recriminations. Remus sighed. "Selene, I'm-"

"Hush." She placed one finger to his lips. "I don't need excuses."

"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you yet."

"I know you're busy. Anyway, I'm coming to the party."

Remus didn't grimace, which he was quite proud of. This was one of Lily's more ridiculous ideas. Have a 'welcome home' party, invite round everyone who had known him… Remus was dreading it slightly. "That should be fun."

She grinned. "Yup. And I can tell you about my new boyfriend."

"Serious?"

"I hope so. We're talking about moving in together. Remus, I love him. Oh, crap." She pulled out of the embrace, still smiling. "I've really got to go… but I'll see you tomorrow night. Yeah?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah."

And she sped away, bag trailing after her. Selene had always been the more impulsive one. She'd never had to try and control herself. The other Marauders had always wanted to know if that was how Remus would have been if he hadn't been bitten.

Remus dug his hands back into his pocket. Yet another mystery to add to the pile- who was it that Selene loved? Probably some grotty nosed kid he'd never noticed at school.

---

_The older man stalked forward. He was naked, oiled torso showing sinewy muscles moving slowly. Remus shook his head and tried to move away, but was held tight by the bonds around his wrists. He couldn't escape from this. A predatory smile spread across the face of the other man. The silver eyes were savage._

"_Naughty puppy." He ran one hand down Remus' cheek, leaning in close to blow stale breath across his skin. "You shouldn't have done that."_

_And what was it Remus had done? Defended another wolf from the attack. Stopped people he was beginning to count as friends from becoming cannibals. "I'm sorry." He bowed his head to the other, acknowledging dominance. _

_His chin was grabbed and forced upwards painfully, bones in his neck cracking. "And what should I do to make you pay?" Skin curled back from the upper lip in a snarl._

_Remus tried to stop himself from shaking, but it was a hopeless task. He was afraid. This man could do anything to him, and Remus would die out here with no one to ever know. _

_A cruel grin spread over Gerard's face, and he walked round to stand behind Remus. "I know…" Remus shut his eyes in pain. _

_---_

_Remus staggered upright, the bonds that had held him earlier now worn away completely. He wrapped his arms around his scarred body. He felt so dirty, and the sobs that racked his body were doing nothing to cleanse him. He glanced down at the sleeping figure on the floor, and was filled with anger. Picking up a rock from the floor, he brought it down upon the dark head again and again, ignoring the groans. He didn't stop until the figure was still._


	6. Chapter 6

**Um… I apologise once more for my shoddy updates. I always mean well… I am now off for the summer, it should be a bit quicker. Mind you, I've just made a new claim on fanfic100 at lj. Which means I have 99 left. Balls.**

**In other news, I'm pimping horribly. Lykaios Nyx and myself have started a new fic. And we would like this fic to be read. Please. You can find it at www . fanfiction . net / s / 3045113 / 1 / (only without the spaces)**

Remus brushed a hand through his hair anxiously. He could deal with people in small groups. Twos or threes, yes. But not about fifteen people. He'd probably end up hiding in the kitchen, like he always did at large parties.

Mind you, at least he looked a bit better than he had when he'd arrived in the country. A week of rest at Lily's hands had worked wonders- he looked respectable now. Still really thin- a week of food could only do so much after months of near starvation- but the clothes he was wearing hid that. He didn't look like a tramp, clean shaven and hair trimmed slightly. Ok, it was still too long. But wearing it tied back should hide that fact.

He faced his reflection in the mirror. Every part of his face was open and visible. The guests would be able to watch every move his face made.

It was that which made him shake it out, hiding his face from any eyes that might try to discover anything about him. Better to be avoidant than have others inquire.

He stumbled down the stairs to where people were already arriving. Half of them he couldn't recognise, they'd changed so much in the few years. But he smiled and nodded at them, accepting their welcomes and avoiding their questions. He knew they were looking at him and wondering. Well, let them wonder.

About fifteen minutes later and nearly everyone was there, in the sitting room, milling around and talking to each other. But he couldn't do that. Instead he hid in the corner, a drink in his hand, allowing the people who asked him questions to walk away unsatisfied.

He looked across at the door and felt something painful clench in his stomach. Selene had just walked in, looking radiantly happy. As happy as Remus could remember seeing her. Probably because of who was at her side.

Sirius Black.

Remus couldn't look away. He could remember before he'd left. Selene had fancied Sirius then, fallen madly head over heels for him before he even knew her name. He'd never shown an interest in her.

Not now.

Now Sirius had one arm wrapped protectively around Selene's waist, smiling at the other people in the room, nodding and answering their questions. And Remus was just stood staring at them. Their eyes connected. Sirius smirked slightly, kissing Selene lightly on the cheek. Rubbing in the fact that Remus' sister was in his arms.

Remus downed the whiskey in his hand. Gryffindor courage was all very well, but sometimes it needed Dutch courage to help it on its way. He walked across the room, focussing on Selene.

"Sel."

"Remmy!" She sprang from Sirius' grasp and into Remus' arms, her perfume engulfing him and making his head swim.

He drew back slightly, smiling at her. "Good to see you." He moved his eyes, connecting with Sirius. "So you two are together?"

Selene blushed, touching Remus' shoulder briefly. "Yes. When you… we just…"

"We comforted each other." The voice was harsh and bleak, matched by the eyes.

"Remus?" He was pulled away, into the swirl of people, and for once he was happy. To get away from them and the questions that had to be asked. James would always be good for that.

He couldn't concentrate all evening, the questions that came his way mostly being deflected without a thought. The only constant thing inside his head was the determination not to look at Sirius. And yet he was still aware of how much the other man was drinking. Mainly because he was drinking the same amount.

Remus surveyed the glass in his hand, and knew the only other place to get the icy whiskey he wanted was in the fridge. Which was in the kitchen. And so he slunk through the room, heading for the kitchen, desperate for a few moments alone. The door opened and shut behind him, but Remus didn't turn around. If they wanted to say something to him, let them. He wasn't going to make the first move.

"You're so selfish." Sirius.

Remus slammed the door shut and turned round to face him. "How'd you work that one out?"

Sirius' eyes narrowed, and he gestured back at the other room. "All those people. They used to care about you, once upon a time. But then you left, and you broke their goddamn hearts. You bastard. They picked themselves up and got on with their lives, but now you're back-"

"Shut up." The words came out short and sharp. Remus didn't want to hear this, couldn't bear to hear what had been going round in his head since he'd got back.

But Sirius wouldn't relent. "-now you're back and they're destroyed again, destroyed by you. No one wants you, no one needs you. You should have stayed away."

Remus lashed out, slapping Sirius. He couldn't let the stinging tears fall. No sign of weakness, or else Sirius would seize on it. Too late- his feelings had stopped the blow from having any kind of strength.

"Never could hurt me properly, could you, Lupin?"

"Not half as well as you could hurt me, Black," Remus bit out.

He stumbled away, down the hall, to where the mirror hung on the wall. And he stared at his reflection. How did Sirius manage to do that? Every single time? It was only ever Sirius who could bring down his walls, make him show any type of emotion.

He picked up a random drink from the side and took a gulp. He needed it, and if there were any germs in it his metabolism should take care of them.

With one deep breath, Remus moved into the living room, sipping his drink slowly. Now, this he could be more comfortable with. Everyone was just sat round, talking quietly. And, as he moved into the room, Lily looked up at him.

"I think it's about time Remus talked to us."

He blushed, smiling slightly. "I'm always willing to talk."

"So, Remus, where there any lovely European ladies while you've been away?"

He took another sip from his water. "No."

"Oh, come on." Selene leaned in. "Lovely looking boy like you."

He shook his head, toying with his glass and avoiding looking at anyone. There hadn't been any women in his life. Of course not- would have been a bit stupid. But he couldn't tell any of them why. He didn't want them to turn away from him. "Afraid not."

"I think Remus is being all shy…" Selene stood, coming across to him and lifting up his chin. Remus stared into the brown eyes. "Come on, tell me."

He smiled. "No. Really, Selene, there was no one."

"Any reasons for that, Moony?" Remus whipped his head round. Sirius was leaning in the doorway, grey eyes malicious. Remus swore inwardly. There was no telling what Sirius could do in this condition. He'd probably tell every secret Remus had ever shared with him.

"Piss off, Black." The others looked up, not knowing what was actually happening between the two of them. Remus wanted it to stay that way.

"No." Sirius walked forward, towards Remus. He was trying to use his height to intimidate him, challenge him. "I think the lovely people should know the secret you're keeping. It isn't nice to keep secrets, Lupin."

Someone laughed. Remus couldn't spare an eye to see who. He needed to keep the contact with Sirius. Maybe if he stared him down, Sirius wouldn't do this. "Sirius, we all know that Remus is a werewolf. Old news."

"Oh, but I don't mean that. Do I, Moony?" Looking at Sirius now was like looking at a different person. The haughty bearing, the spiteful curl to the lips- he looked like just another member of the family he usually tried to deny all association with. Sirius was a mean bastard when drunk, and Remus knew what was coming. He'd known ever since Sirius had started to drink.

Time seemed to slow, the world narrowing to Sirius' lips. They took an age to form the words, enunciating each syllable correctly. It was a physical blow. "Remus is gay."

---

_Remus giggled as he stared at the ceiling. This was the nice way of being drunk- just having everything be hilariously funny. Even stuff that really wasn't, like how he could see faces up there if he turned his head and squinted. It had only taken him two bottles of neat Firewhiskey to get to this point- and yet, Remus knew he could be completely sober in just a few minutes if he wanted._

_The bed dipped as Sirius collapsed next to him. Sirius. Good old Sirius. He was always around. "We're leaving tomorrow." The voice was bleak. Ah, tonight was to be melancholy drunk night. _

_He shut his eyes. "I know." They'd been creeping around the topic for days, none of the Marauders wanting to bring up the subject of their imminent separation. Trust Sirius to be the one to finally say it._

"_I don't want to." The voice was petulant, and sure enough when Remus turned grey eyes were bright with tears, lips pulled down into a pout. "Wormtail wants to get out, be free of me and James and maybe grow his own spine. Prongs couldn't care less, as long as he gets to be with Lily. Which he will, they're buying a house together."_

_Remus leant over, pushing a piece of Sirius' hair back behind his ear. "Only you and me who want time to stop."_

_Sirius stared at him, grey eyes connecting with black. He caught Remus' hand in his own and spoke, the words coming out breathy across the pale skin. "Just stay here. Right here. Forever and ever."_

_Remus gasped as he realised what position they were in. He was hyper aware of every place he was touching Sirius, their legs curled round each other and oh so close with their breath mingling…_

_He never knew who moved first, but soon they were kissing, hot tongues swirling around and battling for dominance, twisting and turning on the small bed._

_Sirius pulled back slightly, ignoring the small moan that Remus made in the back of his throat. "This doesn't mean I'm gay," he panted slightly._

_He looked so sexy to Remus' eyes, flushed cheeks and hair just slightly mussed. Remus knew that he wanted Sirius, and he didn't care what it took to get him._

"_I know."_

**This will probably end up being rewritten. I don't like how disjointed it feels- but I decided I was going to get it up tonight. **


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